I forced you to leave me, thinking maybe your life might be better, and maybe later you'd give me a chance. Funny how one moment we were having fun poking at each other.
And the next, crying. I don't know if you are, and I can't selfishly say that you probably didn't.
But I haven't stopped crying. And whenever I see you, I think of all we had since day one.
When I first met you.
How you told me never to give up. How we spent our late December nights together, how I spilled all I was to you. And how you listened, and probably right now you don't remember a thing but beyond these swollen pupils and dry eyes, I do. It's funny how you have to lose everything to know what you had.
I was so glad I spent nearly half my holidays fetching you from school and sending you home, even if it was only for a few minutes spent with you.
I never regretted a single moment. But I guess I regret forcing you to leave me.
There are a million words I want to say to you, a million things I want to change.
But it's all too late. And I guess you've made it clear that waiting for a second chance from you is going to be futile. I won't deny that as I type this, I'm struggling to blink back tears. From that so many months of memories.
Thanks, Haziq. Thanks for changing me, thanks for keeping me alive. You're incredible.
But I guess this is goodbye to all we had.
Still, thanks.
I loved you, and I swear I still do.