When you were young, (and I hope I still am) did you ever built a fortress and played princess? Except I don't want to be a princess, I don't even want attention. I don't want royalty just a pinch of loyalty. I don't want to be the daughter of the King, don't want to have suitors from lands far and away. I just want to be alone, in a bright sunny place, free of noise. Free of all evil, of all lies and all madness that society has morphed and nurtured. Oh dear technology, what does it cost, to return to an old quiet, out-of-date form? When fans had the potential to kill, when porridge was just at your doorstep, when your skin was burnt to be numbed for an injection, when you rode bicycles everywhere and buses had no A/C. When chickens roamed free and toys were inexpensive - there was nothing to compete for, but to be top. When everyone's name probably began off with an 'Ah', and everyone didn't know what fuck was. When you saved your money in biscuit tins, when you played soccer and a muddy field, half uncovered without grass. I have no need for an iPhone, but I do not deny I am materialistic.
But if life was simple without demands, I would be happy. With parents to properly love me - with a mind that could focus and a little more optimistic, I would feel better. I can't feign joy, because I'm collecting a Niagara Falls inside. I have no way to let it out.
My studies are failing. I'm doing way worse than before. I do not know why. Something is happening to me and I don't know what; it's probably because I had the worst heartbreak of them all. The higher you go, the harder you fall. And you made me happy - but you made me as sad.
I'm beginning to think that it was never real.
-
Sick - so I didn't attend CCA and Ma forgot to give me a letter of absence. My nose was sore throughout from the weekend of a runny nose. My cough only got worse and my results are slowly deteriorating. Luqman reprimanded me - in a more friendly tone. Told me to cease slacking. I failed chemistry, which isn't a surprise since I didn't make any effort. Nonetheless, that doesn't mean I submit and (haha, irony ahead) not stand up and fight on. I have crossed barriers and jumped - I've done that before and I know I can do it again. Mind over body, mind over body. Success, success, success.
After hearing my terrible Chemistry results:
Luqman: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Me: "Haha, I don't know!"
Luqman: "Were you the one who told me you wanted to be a rich man's wife?"
Me: "Yeah, I think."
Luqman: *tests me on some survey, or something*
Me: *answers jokingly and laughs*
Luqman: "Oh wow, you failed the test, you only got *counts* 3/12!!"
Me: "Eff yeah awesome!!!" *qian bian face*
Luqman: *slightly pissed off*
"You know, you should really stop slacking! After all you got a level rank of 57 last year and
that's quite high."
Me: "You pay me money la, then I stop slacking." *sloths around table*
Luqman: *rolls up cardboard paper whilst talking, looking at me like I'm a martian* "Well, well *stutters*, I'd rather keep my money and let you go downhill!"
Me: *Major LOLING*