I'm tired.
Home after a good day of school, nestled warmly on the sofa. I'm about to fall asleep but I still have to print the final draft for majulah's proposal... finish up E Math... urgh. Even A'fat is tired.
Really, is there an explainable reason behind this strange exhaustion I constantly encounter. Do I have eyebags? I don't know. Game against Holy Innocents' tomorrow, probably just going to watch again.
"I saw the way you smile at her. The way your eyes shone. I just wanted to disappear in mid-air and scream. I wanted to kick a chair and punch the wall. I was angry. I was a crazy mad-ass girlfriend. Close to a month. The way you fly from girl to girl, the way you treat them better than you treat me, the way you talk to them easier than you converse with me.
The way you smile at them happier than you smile at me. Why is it that every time I come and see you - you avoid me like I'm sewage rat, look at me - as if through me? Everyone will hate me if i left you on the fourteenth. But I, don't, give, two fucks. We'll see how things go, from here, now and then."
I want to kick a face. Break a nose. Make someone bleed. But I'll just end up crying anyway. What's the point? I don't feel secure in this. How is a relationship supposed to make you feel? Well I'm feeling so tired because my guard is constantly up, and the longer it lasts, the more sensitive I get, the further apart I grow from you.
I don't want to tell you how I feel. Because I know your reply.
I hate how you're so predictable... Fuck, I'm not a brilliant girlfriend myself. Maybe I'm torturing you by holding onto you.