The cobbled pavements that I used to ride my scooter on, the ones that I fell on and bruised my knees. The one that I learnt how to cycle on (by Keegan, who moved away with his sister Kit. Sweetest boy ever), the one that I walked A'fat with.
There's the pool that I learnt to swim in, peed in, got thrown in.
The walls and railings we used to climb.
The stairway where I smoked my first.
The corridors where I used to run around and on Halloween, knocked on doors for candies.
The stoned roads that I used to cycle on, jog on, again fall on.
The backgate that I drift into and out of weekly.
The grills that I attempted to climb but fell off instead.
The place where a dog bit me.
The place of my firsts.
My home - and it's the perfect puzzle of my childhood, like the glue that fits your sole and shoe. Without either any, nothing is quite the same. Slowly my friends either backstabbed me, or moved away without a word. Well, some do, some don't. Announce their movement, that is.
It's appalling how fast time passes and how much faster I'm aging. Sometimes it scares me, and sometimes I go emotional. I can't rewind and even if I could, I know I wouldn't learn to appreciate any much more of my time spent. So many things have changed - and I can't stop change. It comes, but it never stays.
I miss the splashes I made when I was six, the scraped knees when I was eight. I miss the perfect family I had when I was four, the school bus rides when I was in primary school.
Time passes and when you look back, you're not the same, the people around you even change. You're no exception. But home remains home for me.
Chernis moved away, Deline moved away without telling me, or did I forget, Shanna is moving away soon. And I'm left alone in this dying palace of wonder. I can't see the optimistic side of this... like I can't for anything.
I'm a terrible girlfriend. I have no faith. I ask too much out of a relationship.
I don't invest no belief.
And I'm sad. Why... I don't want him to leave me either, but hasn't life remained the same so far?
Maybe I'm just greedy.
... Fuck my emotions.
Oh yeah I'm sick.