But the bestest...
It's my dog, A'fat. No, I'm not following the metaphor 'Dogs are Man's best friend'. A'fat has been the weirdest best friend I had. When my mom used to beat me, she would protect me. Even if it meant she getting hit too. I loved her. It isn't until this year that I realized time is getting faster and she's already five. I don't want to open my eyes and find her gone years later. She's the only best friend that made me cry thinking if she was gone. But I knew she wouldn't be there forever because she can't. If she would, I bet she would want it as badly as I do.
I've trained my dog to hug me good night and admittedly I've been too absorbed in editing pieces that I haven't. I've been neglecting play with Handsum and Tutty too. Sometimes to me, even the minutes together matter. I don't want to think that "I could've done better" when they depart.
Why is A'fat my best friend? She can't even talk. She can't. That's why. If I tell her my secrets, all she does is lay her heavy head in my lap and stare at me with her big brown eyes. It feels like a charge of hope. Whenever I cry, she's there to look and sometimes. She comes and licks them off even though she knows I hate it. I love her. The first time I put her in my bed together with me she couldn't stop snoring. I remember. I remember her paws... I remember the first time we met. I puckered my lips to kiss her and the poor thing just cocked her head to a side.
I remember her birthdays. I remember all her scandals. Maybe she remembers mine. Probably she remembers all my old heartbreakers.
I don't want to look back when I'm 25 and think how much a failure I am. I'm just scared.
I don't want to lose her.
I never do.
There will never be a better friend for me... I love you baby xx
Sorry for being the worst best friend on earth.
